Doafy's Life?

So the other day I was picking Lance up from work, and this piece about Chinua Achebe's opinion of Heart of Darkness came on NPR.

I was quite disappointed to hear Achebe's continued opinion of HoD, as it is one of my favorite books. (Coincidentally, I had recently started rereading it. A friend was reading it for grad school, and it got me excited. Granted, I got distracted about 2/3 of the way through, and have yet to re-finish it.) I started to tell Lance about my opinions, and as I progressed, I managed to both reinforce and contradict my own arguments. I could see a way for Achebe's viewpoint to be completely valid, while retaining the validity of my own view.  I still agreed with myself, but I could see Achebe's point.

The thing about this is that I did all of this by mostly just talking to, not with, Lance. Lance gave me feedback on whether I was making sense or not, but didn't really offer any opinion of his own until I was finished. While I didn't reach a definitive conclusion, I felt wholly satisfied in the process of exploring possible conclusions. This is the way that I process most things. It takes a very long time for me to come to a definite opinion about something, which many people may find surprising, given that I seem to have passionate Opinions about just about everything. However, I'm not actually tied very tightly to many of those opinions. I'll frequently discuss an issue with someone, go think about it for a while, and then need to bring it up again later to either prove or explore my original conclusions.

I think this is why I've always found writing mostly unappealing.  Writing seems so permanent, and there is so little that I want to be permanent--able to be stared at and picked apart without defense.  Talking lets me feel out a subject, adjusting as needed, while writing assumes that I've committed and won't budge.

So my diagnosis has come back as Sjogren's Syndrome. It's an autoimmune disorder that attacks the moisture glands and creates musculoskeletal pain, among other things.

I've got four (!!) prescriptions to pick up (steroids, vitamin D, naproxen, and hydroxychloroquine) an eye doctor visit, and a chest X-ray coming up.

Apparently Grandma has this as well.

I'm taking this as good news, as we finally know what the deal is.

It was also the best thing to happen to me today. Today consisted of the following issues:

Jaw tried valiantly to lock up again this morning.
Was scolded over the intercom at work for something I didn't do.
Had to deal with whiny student email.
Had one of my major work triumphs hit a major hitch.
Had break duty.
Stepped in cat vomit.

I also have Back to School Night tonight.

Edited to fix drug name.

Rich (Winston's daddy) has some interesting things to say about Bruno:

http://fourfour.typepad.com/fourfour/2009/07/behold-a-white-horse.html

An excerpt:
"He's not just there and queer and get over it; Brüno violates social boundaries so that his primary fault is his rudeness. Baron Cohen constructs these situations so that Brüno is judged not by the color of his skin (or the genitals of his lovers) but by the content of his character. There's something oddly humanizing in his beastly behavior."

But he is not entirely sure:
"Baron Cohen is presenting a cartoon character to people who don't think that gays are real people, anyway. "

So today I emailed the Dude at Preferred District to ask if all the openings were settled for this year, or if something might still open up.

I also told him that I would be interested in middle school positions in addition to high school, which is a pretty big departure from my previous desires.  But I'm starting to feel like kind of a loser who can't get into any district, even when I know that it's entirely the fault of not having any openings instead of not wanting me.

I guess being stuck at one place in your life is better than going downhill, but still.  This feeling of stagnation is getting old.

Update: As expected, District Dude replied probably as soon as he got into the office this morning.  He says, "Nothing at this time but I appreciate you checking back."

Sigh....

Right now, the following things are not working in my house:  doorbell, clothes dryer, garbage disposal.

In the rest of my life, I do pretty well when things break down.  Something happens to the car, and you take it in and get it fixed.  No big deal.  But things in my house breaking send me into a paralyzed sort of panic.  I'm always convinced that they're indicative of some much larger, systemic problem, even when they're probably not.  Because of that, I'm kind of terrified to try to fix anything on my own.  I could probably do the doorbell in ten minutes, but I'm not confident about it.  The dryer I definitely couldn't fix, but I don't mind hanging the laundry.  I kind of actually prefer it.  The disposal, however, is kind of important.  It went out last night when Lance decided to run  whole head's worth of lettuce down it.  Naturally, the drain stopped up.  We plunged and plunged, and finally resorted to drano, which looked like it wasn't going to work until we seriously considered taking apart the U-bend.  Then the drain miraculously cleared.  However, it looks like we overloaded the disposal.  It worked while things were stopped up, but the minute it cleared, it stopped working.  Now you flip the switch, and all we get is a hum.  We've both tried hitting the reset button, but to no avail. 

I'm guessing this means we'll need a new disposal.  Right now we've got a trap in the drain opening so that food won't wash down, and we'll probably be fine with that for a while.  But it stresses me out to know that something isn't working in the house that should be.  And that we'll probably have to find someone to come fix or replace it.    I wish I had a good, dependable handyman that I could just call to come and take care of things.  I know they exist, but finding a good one is the difficult part.

UPDATE!  Lance fixed the disposal!  It turns out it was just really jammed, and wiggling the flywheel loose with an Alin wrench was all it needed.  As much as it being broken bummed me out, it being fixed elates me.  I keep walking through the kitchen thinking, "This WORKS now!"  Yay!

I had my follow up appt. with my rheumatologist today, and she's putting me on megadoses of vitamin D for the next 8 weeks to get those levels up.  Other than that, there's nothing really wrong with me that they can tell.  However, while I was talking to her, my feet went a little purple, which happens to me regularly when it's cold or when my legs are dangling.  But bluish purple feet and hands are a sign of lupus, so she noticed.   I told her that it always goes away quickly, and showed her that if I sit without my circulation being cut off by the examining table, they go back to normal.  She said "I *know* you don't have lupus, but I'm going to run a full lupus panel anyway, just to make sure."  Previous to this, the specific tests had said no lupus.

So getting that *definitely* ruled out will be good, but it's crappy that they can't find out what's wrong with me.  Such is life.

I've uploaded a decent amount of our Portland pics to my facebook account.  Everyone should be able to see them here.  Many of them feature me because Lance had camera duty.  Those of you related to me will probably also be subjected to the non-person-centered pictures, like signs, beers, kitties, and scenery, at a later date. 

So on Sunday, we'll be leaving on the Coast Starlight from Union Station, headed to Portland, OR! 

We'll arrive Monday afternoon, and stay with Brianne and Jared for two nights, and then head over to posh accommodations at The Benson Hotel, for which Hotwire provided us an awesome rate of $79/night.  (Quite a deal when you realize that the Travelodge in downtown Portland goes for $71/night.) 

Brianne and Jared head out of town on 6/27 as Jared Mees and The Grown Children go on their summer tour, and we'll be on our own in the city for two more days.  We're flying back at the buttcrack of dawn on JetBlue, right into Long Beach at 9:29 AM. 

Lance and I realized that this is the first time we'll have ever stayed more than 3 nights in one place on a trip, and then I realized that I've *never* stayed more than three nights anywhere on a trip, as all my childhood vacations were nomadic.  We should be doing the entire trip car-free, except maybe a taxi to the airport at the end.  (Our hotel is not on the lightrail line, plus, f-ing early!)

I've been spending my first week of summer trying to get the house ready to leave for a week and a half, which is no small order.  Laundry is a calculated process, as our dryer is broken, and we're still putting our closet back together after the repipe.  Also, our dishes seem to be breeding.   I've also been attempting to finish gifts for the Meeses, crazily trying techniques I've never attempted before, but those are going well.

I'm really excited to get on the train and just be on my way without hassle.  We have a roomette, which means we'll have space to ourselves, and just be able to walk around the train, chill out, crochet, or read for the next day and a half. 

I'm stoked.

It happens every year. As soon as little tiny tomatoes appear, so do little tiny caterpillars. Two met their deaths at the end of my trowel today, who knows how many more will chomp on my plants while I'm gone.

At least they're not hornworms yet. Yggggg....

No word yet on what's been eating my peppers. I have yet to see a culprit.

Got in to see a partner of my pcp.  He said he'd never seen a more detailed blood panel before, and that everything is negative.  He says it's a possibility that it's a virus they can't test for, and if that's the case, it will resolve itself within a few months, but if it persists, we might start thinking about Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, but he's not going there yet. 

I didn't get another shot, but he did prescribe some heavy duty naproxen.  He said he understands me not wanting to hurt all through vacation. 

So the deal is that on paper, nothing's wrong with me.  Yet I still hurt.  It sucks that they can't find it and fix it, but at least they're listening to me.

So I went in to see the rheumatologist, and she says I don't have any other symptoms of any auto-immune disorders, so "we're not going to go looking for something that's not there."  She ordered a bunch more blood tests (the only one I identified was Parvo, which is not only a dog disease) and had the nurse give me an injection of cortisone (actually , something that is two words that means cortisone. I think it's like, corticol steroid or something.)  And they scheduled a follow up appt for 4 weeks, actually 5, because in 4 I'd been in Portland.

So the next day, I noticed that I didn't hurt when I woke up in the morning.  And over the next few days, the major stiffness went away, and much to my surprise, my sudden, intense sleepiness went away too.  I've been unable to stay awake once I get sleepy, especially if I've been drinking at all.  Like, at all.

So I've been living the good life.  I got through the end of school, I've been feeling good.  I've been waiting for my test results to come in the mail, hoping that it's parvo, because that'll mean it'll just go away, according to the internet.  Nothing comes in the mail for weeks, so I call the office.  "oh, you want those mailed to you?  Usually we just go over them at the follow up.  I can mail them to you."  Well, yeah, my test results are *always* mailed to me.  So I think that was Monday, which means I should get them today.  

HOWEVER!  I started to notice a little stiffness coming back as of last Friday, which was, coincidentally, my first day of summer.  It increased over the weekend, and last night, I was uncontrollably sleepy at 10:30 PM.  Damn.  I'm definitely stiff again, and I'm most upset because I leave for Portland on Sunday, and I don't want to spend my vacation in pain and passing out at night.  I kinda want to call to see if I can get another shot of cortisone for the trip.  All of my symptoms are coming back, with a little less muscle fatigue this time.  Grrr.....

Update on the update:
My test results came today, and from what I can interpret, it's not parvo, but my vitamin D levels are pretty low.  So I took a multivitamin and sat in the sun for 10 minutes while getting the car smogged.

I also called and left a message with the rheumatologist.  Just after that Mom called me back, and she said I should be pretty insistent about getting some sort of advice or something before I leave on vacation.  But when the rheum.'s assistant called back, he told me that the rheum is out of the office until Tues.  He suggested I see if I can see my primary care physician. 

So I call my pcp (or actually my pcp's sub, since my pcp is on maternity leave), and she's gone for the day and booked up tomorrow.  But I tell the nurse my sob story, about how I don't want to be in pain and uncontrollably sleepy for a 29 hour train ride and all of vacation and please, I know feeling good is an option and I want to feel good on vacation and she says that I could get in to see another doctor at the practice.  I tell her I'm available now, and she schedules me for 4:30.  Phew!

So we'll see what happens in an hour.

I woke up half way this morning in the middle of dreaming that the reason behind my contract delay was because I was only going to be teaching four classes instead of five next year.  At first, this was good, then I realized that that would probably mean that they were going to cut my pay by 20%.  So I had trouble getting all the way back asleep, and when I woke for real, I was half-convinced of the pay cut. 

Then the mail came, and the assessor had refigured our assessed value of our house, which they started doing automatically last year.  Our value is $100K less than last year.  That means that, combined with last year, our house is worth about 50% of what we paid for it.  Even with our big downpayment, we are officially underwater.  The silver lining is that we'll be paying about $1000 less in property taxes this year. 

Then I went to crochet group, and only 2 of the 7 who had RSVPed showed up.  I was one of the two.

Then Lance and I went to the movie theater, hoping to finally see Star Trek, but it wasn't playing for another hour and a half.  Up was playing in 40 minutes, though, so we bought tickets for that.  But Up started at 4 PM, which is when matinee prices stop.  Seriously.

Up was really fabulous, though I probably cried through about a third of the film.  See it, but bring tissues.  Some parts are really rough.

Now I have to grade papers for the rest of the night.

One of the adorable things about teaching high school is that when you experimentally give a group of sophomores The Crying of Lot 49 as an independent book, they make a little construction paper W A S T E mailbox for their presentation.

So today, discussion of Pygmalion transmuted into discussion the legal benefits of marriage and the existence of common law marriage, which evolved into a discussion of gay marriage.

As a teacher, I am not allowed to express my opinion about political matters. This is true for all teachers in all schools, but particularly true for my political view about this matter in the school I teach in, extra-especially because it's layoff season.

I wanted to get back to the play, so I ended the discussion with, "Whatever opinion you have, make sure that you really understand it, and that you research it, so that it's not just what your friends have told you, or your parents, or your teachers, but that it's really your opinion, and that you own it and can back it up."

Then some of my class applauded me.

It was kind of weird, as people don't normally applaud the teacher in the classroom, but I think it was genuine, and I like that they seemed to appreciate my point.

Got my test results today. I have positive ANA levels, which the internet tells me could mean many things. I really hope it's not lupus. I've been referred to the rheumatologist. Waiting eagerly for my referral to come in the mail so that I can make an appointment.

I'm happy to say that I have excellent cholesterol levels. My total cholesterol is 145. Go Villani genes! I celebrated by eating some cheese.

So maybe three months ago, my knees started feeling stiff. This was odd, but I didn't think much of it because my knees have always ground and popped, and I figured this was the next stage in my eventual arthritis.

Six weeks ago, my legs started feeling tired all the time, like I had been working out. I chalked this up to not getting enough sleep. My shoulders have also been cracking more.

Easter morning, I wake up and my left pinky is really stiff. A few days later, my ring finger on the same hand is kind of stiff, and my pinky on the other side is sometimes stiff in the morning.

Today, I wake up and my hands are stiff through my middle fingers, my wrists and elbows feel odd, my knees are stiff, and holy cow, I discover when I brush my teeth that I can't open my mouth all the way because my jaw is locked up.

This is too much. I have a doctor's appointment for Wednesday.

Day 3: I wake up remembering that our dishwasher, although appearing portable, is connected to it's own water supply hidden behind it. The main plumber noticed this late in his initial estimate, and I feel the need to remind them about it, but I won't see them today. When I get home later, there are two holes cut in the ceiling, one in the bathroom and one on the other side of the bathroom door in the bedroom, with pipes sticking out.

We go to the neighbors' for BBQ, and everyone agrees that it's less horrible than we'd imagined. However, one neighbor is not happy with a pipe running alongside the wall in his laundry room, and will talk to the plumber tomorrow about getting it put in the wall.

Day 4: I get home, and our new kitchen faucet is attached! We also have a new shower dial thingy! There is much evidence of fully soldered pipes in the walls! The plumbers are still here at 4:15, with no signs of packing up. I talk to a neighbor who says her husband talked to the plumbers about the laundry room, and they were perfectly amenable to moving the pipe, and totally understood why they didn't want it exposed. Everything will be adjusted to their liking, no problem. Lance also mentioned the dishwasher line to the plumber, which they were, in fact, aware of.

There is another hole in the ceiling of my bedroom, in the same spot we had to cut a hole 2 years ago. I'm hoping that there is some sort of home popcorn ceiling patch kit available, because last time we got the ceiling repaired (this time the plumbers will actually repair the hole) it cost like $260. I'm not a huge fan of the popcorn ceiling, but it's what we've got.

I start hearing water noises and faucets being tested. By 5:30, the plumbers call me to tell me they're leaving, and to show me the new fixtures. Our kitchen faucet is awesome, and we have a whole new shower set! (However, we did like our old detachable shower head, so we may get that one put back on.) But we have a working diverter, and actual cold water pressure in the bathroom sink! Yay! The plumber says he also snaked our tub drain for us, as it was running a little slow. Yay!

Excellent progress today!

Day 1: The plumbers arrived around 9 AM and spent about 45 minutes figuring out how they were going to have to run the lines. I met the two guys who would be doing most of the work, and they were all super nice. Once again, I was impressed by all three of them taking off their shoes when they went into my upstairs neighbors apartment. I gathered up laundry, grading, and the kitty and left as they were sawing into my bedroom wall.

Came home to fine neat holes in my bedroom wall and closet wall and ceiling. The guys were just packing up, and had had a productive day under the house and in my and Valerie's apartments. The plaster in Val's place was less amenable to being cut into and the whole wall's worth of plaster came down when he made the first hole. It was a little shocking, but not a real problem.

Lance and I left to visit Morganna at the kitty hotel and go buy a new kitchen faucet. Morg is sweet and there is only one option for a wall-mounted kitchen faucet.

Day 2: I leave for work before the guys get here. When I get home they're packing up after a hard day under the house. One guy tells me, as the other guy hoses off his own face, that it's actually pretty good to work down there (we have a basement) but really dirty. He talks to Lance about what he'll need to move in the garage, and he tells Lance they probably won't be finished by Friday because they're working in so many directions. There are no real straight shots in the house. We all expected this, as 5 days seemed a little optimistic. Some of our neighbors invite us over for bbq tomorrow evening. We accept.

So far, this is a lot less horrible that I imagined. It's kind of cool. You pay competent people, and they work while you're away! Who'da thought?

So since England fell through, Lance and I are planning on going to Portland for a while. We're toying with the idea of taking the train at least part of the way up, and then flying back (Yay JetBlue! Portland direct to LB!)

So if we take the train all the way up, it's about $420 (including room accommodations). It's also 29.5 hrs.

The other option is to fly into San Francisco, then take the train from there. The overall price is around the same, but we save 10 or so hours of travel. We might also get to stop in SF and spend a day or two there. But we can't really afford to make it a two-destination vacation, since we're also trying to go to Boston in August for a wedding.

So which option do we take? The first is easy. We just chill on the train, and we definitely justify spending the money on the sleeper. The second is more complicated, but possibly less draining.

I just don't know. I have these romantic images of train travel though!